Respect the "Cattapilla".

Releasing my own music is probably one of my least favorite things to do.

The list of things I don't like about it is currently very long, but suffice to say that my reasons are poor.

I used to be an open book, full of energy and a willingness to collaborate. I used to get on stage, take a deep breath, and then deliver words I had written with raw conviction, sometimes steady, sometimes with a shaking hand.

Now I feel alot more like a metal safe with a code I keep forgetting.

I'm hesitant, I'm withdrawn, I have minimal hope.

Wtf happened?

I've been to enough therapy to know that this is a bad sign.

So I'm putting up a resistance and challenging my brain. I hear it saying "You're gonna fail!" and "No one cares!" , but is that true?

"You're gonna fail!"

Well, I don't know if I will fail or not - I would have to try first and then fail to know.

 "No one cares!"

It's definitely not true that "no one" cares. People have been bugging me for new music for years and I keep saying "maybe". They care.

So I've diagnosed myself with being Scared.

After editing the Visualizer for "Cattapilla" I realized that I was incredibly brave for someone far from home, making new friends (again), struggling mentally, cracking under religion, navigating my sexuality, trying to keep a scholarship, chase a dream and have enough money to eat meals.

Like...I believed in myself so much, I filmed EVERYTHING so that whoever edits my documentary would have a pool of material. First of all, they are welcome and secondly, I was THAT sure I was meant to be somebody worth knowing about. I was "delusional" and very "cringe".

I was Brave!

There will never be enough metaphors to explain how I clinged to spoken word and music during these times. I needed my dream to stay alive.

Outside of these spaces, I just felt sick, depressed and suicidal.

So yes, music was feeding my Spirit but I fell in love with how my words impacted others. When people would talk to me after a performance, or out on the street, it made what I was doing feel like it had real life significance.

Spoken Word and Music gave the pain I was otherwise feeling a Purpose.

Having a purpose eased the pain.

I said "I need to do this for the rest of my life" and I dropped out of the University of Florida.

(I had a full scholarship btw. That did NOT go over well.)

That was 2011 or so.

Let's fast forward - right now I have my own Studio with accommodations, I've travelled the world with my talent, I've managed & developed talent, I produce and write for artists, I host camps, I've made quality global links in Music, and for the most part, I do what I want to do when de dae comes. Clients come to me, and I spend my time being creative- I really can't complain.

Technically, I'm living the dream I had 15yrs ago.

Well about 8yrs ago I "gave up" on the dream of being a commercial Artist.

Somewhere along the way, I just didn't want to do it anymore. I wasn't commercial.

Yuh know...?

I had other gifts. I was fine with it.

But I never stopped writing songs...Artists will Art.

One dae a little affirmation came to me in a melody,

"Cattapilla, oh ye

Keep inching forward, never ever stop

I say Cattapilla

Cattapilla, dey can't stop you from trying

One dae you gon' fly!

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

Keep the faith

You're gonna fly one dae."

That's it.

For whatever reason, this song never left me alone all these years.

Yuh see 2026?

I'm doing all the uncomfotable things (like releasing music, writing a blog, taking up space) because looking back on "Adaeze" of 15yrs ago, I can see how I let alot of my spirit fade and it's. not. oh. kay. with. me.

Without Adaeze's audacity, passion and delusion, alot of the most beautiful moments of my life would have never happened. Without Adaeze the "Cattapilla", I wouldn't have developed all the skills I use to make money now - Production, Writing, Graphics, Video Production, Direction, Editing, Marketing etc.

Who you think mek dem countless Youtube videos, printed up CDs, sold merch, built this website and all the hustle in between to execute the artist's dream?

...The Cattapilla did that!

Listen, A few months ago Rico Love (yes, THE Rico Love) told me that "I've got it!"

First of all, how did I end up in a room with Rico Love?

He was commenting on me as a Producer/Writer, but the fact of the matter is, Adaeze the 20yr old international student, the artist with sub 1000 subscribers & poor mental health made that possible.

Adaeze had the Dream!

Looking back, I just gotta laugh...I want dat Cattapilla spirit back.

Dat bit-by-bit, come-what-may, check-one-two, I-dont-know-how-but-watch energy...ye, imma need that back fr.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJMaMKvMnRE

Respect the Cattapilla.

Keep inching forward.

You have no idea who you're becoming.

Dae.

STREAM "CATTAPILLA"